my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
