Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
