Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
