I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
