Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
