Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
