I'm so fucking centered right now
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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