I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
