What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
