You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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