apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
