Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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