I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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