Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
