and i looked up. we had an audience...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
