They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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