Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
