as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
