I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
