There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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