There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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