i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
