Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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