I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
