also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
