it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
