omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
