Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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