'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
