just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
