I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
