You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i believe in u and ur pee
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