i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
