he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
