Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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