The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
