please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
