Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
