Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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