Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
