Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
