I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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