I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
