I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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