Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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