you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want to fling myself into the sun
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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