i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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