So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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