my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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