I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
