I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
