Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
